To the End and Back
by KeepCalmAndSlashOn
Summary: Stiles fell in love twice in his life the first time was with Lydia when he was in the third grade and the second, well the second time was Derek, and it was more painful than dying. The Alpha pack rips everything apart, Stiles isn't worthless, Derek can't always save him. Sometimes people fall in love.


**Pairings:** Derek/Stiles Scott/Alison (for now)  
**Summary: **Stiles fell in love twice in his life the first time was with Lydia when he was in the third grade and the second, well the second time was Derek, and it was more painful than dying. The Alpha pack rips everything apart, Stiles isn't worthless, Derek can't always save him. Sometimes people fall in love.  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine, god bless Jeff Davis

**A/N: **Beta needed, this is my first attempt at Sterek fic so forgive me. Some character death. I can't write anything happy so... yeah this not going to be a happy fic.

* * *

Falling in love is little bit like dying, sometimes it's sudden and unexpected, and sometimes it's slow and painful. Just like death it's mysterious, you don't know how or when it's going to happen and there is no cure.

Stiles fell in love twice in his life the first time was with Lydia when he was in the third grade and the second, well the second time was Derek, and it was more painful than dying. But let's not skip ahead of time because right now, Derek was just the jerk that from time to used to shove Stiles against hard surfaces, and just behaved as if Stiles is the most insignificant human being on the face of the planet, and Lydia well Lydia was just perfect. He didn't even remember what it was like not being in love with her. Every day was a new day to love her, to want her, to long for her. He knew it isn't rational and just plain ridiculous, but really he was hopelessly in love with that stupid strawberry blond haired girl. Although Lydia was far from stupid she was the smartest girl, no delete that she was the smartest human being Stiles known, so she always knew what he felt for her, he quite made it obvious, like he did with everything about himself, just call him Mr. obvious. Their story would never become the greatest love story of all times because unlike fairy tales the princess wasn't his for taking; in her future there was only place for a certain prince charming and not the kings full. It's was excruciating to watch the girl that possessed his heart belonged with someone else, but he was Stiles so he laughed it out, masking his misery by his wonderfully underappreciated sarcasm. It easy to love when you know it's nothing but a fantasy you can never get hurt by a fantasy. He was never the one in any way, never the one to get the girl, never the one to make the first line, to be popular, hell he even wasn't the one to become a werewolf, which if to be honest is a very weird thing to be jealous about, but lord help him he was. He never was jealous of Scott, they were two of the same, the same unlucky love life, the same social status, single parent household, and they were equals. Now everything changed, Scott got the bite, he got the girl he was a lacrosse star, he was everything Stiles wanted to be but couldn't.

High School is hard enough without your best friend being a werewolf, but now it was just plain hell. But as he once was tolled _if you going through hell just keep going_ and he did. He survived Peter and he survived the Kamina and he survived watching Lydia going back to Jackson. At least he had his best friend back, now that Alison dumped him again, Scot was back on his couch like he never left and it was nice for a change not to be left alone. The summer was hot but breezy they spend the days practicing lacrosse, although Scott was cheating and using his super wolf power, even if he did asked him like a million times not to. Everything aside, Stiles fell for the first time in months like everything was going back normal and usually that's when shit hits the fan.

So to say he wasn't surprised to find Derek in his bedroom was an understatement.

"You know one of these days it could be my dad walking in on you here" he said trying to make the displease in his voice as loud as he could.

"I would know, I could smell you from outside. You don't smell like your dad"

"What does he smell li… you know what never mind, let's get back to the issue of invading my privacy"

"It was argent"

"It always is" he singed falling on his bed, there was no reasoning with Derek, it was like arguing with a wall, a very annoying stubborn wall. "Why can't you use a phone like a normal person? Because it's not like a werewolf thing, because Scott has a phone, although sometimes I wished he hadn't cuz' let me tell you there's a limit of how many times I can listen to him talk about Alison, and Erica she has one as well I don't know about Boyd and Isaac but I'm pretty sure they do as well."

"Are you finished?" Derek was glaring at him.

"I'm just saying you know phone could be easier that breaking into my bedroom every time you feel a little chatty, or you know on a rainy night when you don't want to wet the fur and stuff, very useful" he looked at Derek who's facial expression didn't changed the slightest, Stiles signed there is no winning with Derek "Fine I'm done, what do you need?"

"I need you to locate the Alpha pack" Derek answered somehow refusing to meet Stiles' eyes as if asking him for something was actually hurting him.

"You do know that you're the one with the super nose right?"

"I tried, there's nothing I think they screening their sent in some way, I literally sniffed the whole town"

"So how do you exactly expect me to find them?"

"I want you to do a locating spell"

"A whaaat?"

"Deaton gave me the spell but he refusing to get involved, werewolves can't do magic because we already supernatural, believe me you're my last choice but there's no one else I could ask"

"Well thank you, no need with flattery but you know …" he was cut before he could finish.

"Stiles please" there was pleading in Derek's voice something that Stiles never heard before "I can't feel them anymore" he finished barely whispering.

"Feel them?"

"An alpha can always feel his betas, he can feel when they scared or when they distressed, he can feel when they need his help, and I can't feel Erica and Boyd any longer. There's a void where they used to be"

Stiles was lost for words he swallowed hard meeting Derek's eyes, as if he was seeing him for the first time, there was pain and distress, his eyes were unusually bright flickering between green and grey.

"What does it mean?" he asked although he knew the answer already he just needed Derek to confirm it.

"It can mean only two things, good case scenario they submitted to the Alpha pack, so they have a new alpha and that's why the connection is gone, or they" he trailed stopping unable to finish.

"Or they dead" Stiles finished for him; he ran his hand through the hair he let grow over the summer.

"Yes" Derek confirmed.

"Fine I'll do the spell" Stiles signed as if there was any other choice, even if he hated Derek even if he promised that he won't be dragged into this werewolves bullshit again, he knew crystal clear that he won't leave his friends behind, and yes Erica and Boyd might not be his favorite people in the world but they became his friends, his pack by extension.

"Thank you" Derek said on his way before disappearing through the window, letting the cold wind in sending shivers down Stiles' spine and he rushed to close it.

He spent the next day researching locating spells, because he's Stiles and Google is his bitch. He even watched a few Buffy episodes (because Willow, and why the hell not). He tried to reach Deaton a few times, but in vain, the dude was serious about staying out of it. The spell was actually pretty easy you need something of the person you trying to locate (this is the tricky part he didn't know if Derek had something that belongs to the Alpha pack), you need a map and _Alnus glutinosa_ ash (after a quick search he found out that it was just fancy Latin for Common Alder. Basically you rub the ash on the object of whoever you try to find, spill the ash on the map and wish to find the person and the ash moves to its location, the closer you get the more accurate the location gets, easy peasy. He printed everything he found out, safely sealing it in a brown manila grabbed his jeep keys and rushed out.

The ruins of Hales estate rose between the trees; it was beyond Stiles how Derek could live in a place where all his family was burned, it was like living in their grave. Stiles could never return to visit the room where his mother died. Every visit to the hospital was bringing memories he spend years to suppress. He could only imagine the ghosts hunting this place (well not actual ghosts because he hopped that they didn't existed). Sometimes he thought that Derek blamed himself for some reason for the fire, like living here would somehow redeem him of his guilt of escaping the faith of the rest of hi family. He parked just outside the house, before he managed to get the keys out of ignition Derek was outside the driver's window.

"Did you smell me again?" He smiled, not getting any back in return did the guy ever smilled he wondered to himself.

"Stiles, why are you here?"

"What not so big on surprise visits yourself?"

"Stiles, this is not a good time"

"What are you entertaining or something" Stiles tried to look beyond Derek but the house looked abandon as always. "Why do you keep living here it's like a horror movie set"

"This way I stay close to my family"

"Couldn't you like have a picture or something?"

"Nothing survived the fire"

"oh" and Stiles couldn't find anything else to say "I'm sorry I didn't thought about it"

"Stiles why are you here?" his voice was suddenly tired like he was talking to a troubled child, he looked tired like he didn't slept in days, he had dirt and leafs in his hair and Stiles managed to stop his hand from reaching out and brush it away, he liked his hand he didn't want to lose it to a werewolf.

"I researched the spell we need a few things" he pulled the brown envelope handing it to Derek, who just ogled it as if Stiles was giving his something offending.

"We need something that belongs to the Alpha pack and Alder ash"

"Fine"

"Where are you going to find something that belongs to them?"

"Stiles I said fine, I get you what you need. Now go it's not safe, you need to stay away." he tore the envelope from Stiles' hand giving him an angry look as if it wasn't Stiles who's doing him a favor just by being here.

"I pick you up tomorrow" he was gone before Stiles could blink.

When he got home his dad was dressed for work again "I thought you were done for today? You made me promise to be home for dinner" Stiles couldn't help the accusation sound bitter on his tongue.

"I know son, but duty calls there was a fire at the old train station, you know the one down town?"

"What?!" it must be the one Derek uses for practice with the pack; it must be the Alpha pack, shit why the hell Derek didn't have phone. "I'm coming with you" he was almost by the door when a firm hand on his chest stopped him.

"Oh no you don't. If I even smell (what is it with people smelling him? Does he stinks? he made a mental note to ask Scott) you around there tonight, you going to be grounded until college"

"But dad" Stiles tried, but the look on his dad' face left no room for argument. "Fine" he threw his hand in the air.

The moment his dad was out of the house he turned the police scanner on, it sounded like the fire was huge. He tried everyone's phone but in vain. You can say a lot of things about Stile, but sitting in vain waiting for news, never going to be one of them. So even the fear from his dad educational means aren't going to keep Stiles away. Fifteen minutes later he was parked outside the old train station keeping a safe distance from the flickering police lights, he wasn't a complete idiot. He was out of the jeep making his way in the shadows to creep closer to the scene of the fire, but before he succeeded a few meters he was slammed by an inhuman force into the brick wall behind him.

"I told you to stay away." Derek's hot breath brushed his skin as the wolf snarled at him his eyes bright red shining in the dark.

"I just wanted to check … and you don't have a phone do you see why it's important to have a phone" Derek released his grip on his hoodie letting him back to the ground.

"There's nothing for you to do here, go home"

"Derek you can't just push me around and then come for help, I need to know what we dealing with" he managed to sound firm even if he was a little shaken. He straighten his shirt and looked beyond Derek at the fire, something clenched inside him, he was too scared to ask "Derek were Boyd …"

"They say no one was inside" and Stiles let out a breath he didn't realized he was holding.

"That's good" although the look on Derek' face told him that the wolf didn't shared his opinion. "Isn't it?"

"They getting closer"

"The Alpha pack?" Derek nodded.

"It's a massage"

"Well I think a letter or an email would've been nicer" Stiles let a bitter laugh.

"I think the fire was a special touch just for me" Derek let something that looks a lot like pain to stiles pass in his gaze for a tiny moment.

"So what now?"

"We need to find them."

The ride home is unusually quiet, Stiles keeps to himself and Derek was never the one to talk. They park outside Stiles' home, and just sit there for a while letting the events of tonight sink.  
Derek walks him to door, and Stiles doesn't even needs to bite any sarcastic remark down, because he's scared and despite everything he feels safer around Derek. He feels like he want to say something to reassure himself and Derek, but for once in his lifetime he can't find the words he wants to say so he just lets the silence surround them. Just when he's on the other side of the door he lets his body to relax feeling safe in the familiar surroundings. When he finally settled for the night, he's going to close the window when suddenly spotting a tall dark silhouette in the shadows.

"Good night Derek" he whispers before closing the window knowing he will be safe for the night.

When he wakes up the next morning, he finds like a hundred texts from Scott about the fire last night he ignores them all after some inner debate deciding not to tell Scott anything for now. He doesn't need new things to worry about; at least one of them should have a normal summer. God he never had so many secrets, from so many people, once the only secret he had was the fact that he was completely in love with Lydia, and also when everyone knows it, it's not really a secret.  
So even when Scott popped in for a friendly day of video game, Stiles kept his mouth shut. Scott was his usual charming self and after making sure that no one got hurt in the fire and that Stiles really doesn't know anything (he is going to burn in hell for all his lies) he returned to the never ending debate that is Alison. By lunch Stiles had enough of Alison induced Scott craziness, plus there is just as many times he can bit Scott who maybe become a king on the lacrosse field due to his wolfieness, but still sucks at video games. Stiles pushed him through the door promising to update him if he overheard something about the fire from his dad.  
Now he was spread on the couch watching some horrible day time TV, and he must have drifted away because the next thing he is woken up by a surprisingly gentle palm on his shoulder that belongs to certain dark wolf.

"It's time" Derek announces.

The sun is about to go down when they settle in the middle of what Stiles assumes used to be a living room at the Hale house. There is barely any light inside and the burned walls don't offer any shelter from the chilly evening wind. Derek spreads a map of Beacon Hills and the surrounding area on a wooden crate between the two of them.

"Did you get the stuff we need?"

Derek didn't answer just holds up to Stiles a paper back, stiles looks inside there are ash and it almost makes him sneeze.

"And the other thing" once again there's no answer just another paper bag held in his direction, this time around it's leafs covered in something.

"Is that blood?" Stiles ask trying not to sound as disgust as he is, because even dried blood giving him the willies.

"I found it from where Erica and Boyd were taken"

"How do you know it's no… oh right" he points at his nose. "Fine let's do it" he tries to smile to reassure himself, but it's like the muscles on his face forgot how to, so the only thing he manages is an awkward grin.

"So first we need to mix the ash with leafs" he doesn't really thinks Derek needs a step by step, just saying things out loud helps him to focus. After the mix is ready he empties the ash without the bloody leafs onto the map.

"Now the hard part" he says to himself again as he closes the eyes. He tries to remember what he felt like when he was creating the circle to catch the Kamina, he concentrates all his wishing and believe on the map chanting quietly to himself, _believe believe believe, _and he does he can feel something floating through him.

"It worked" Derek sounds surprised. Stiles open his eyes to look at his handy work, and there it is a perfect ash circle at the north border of the town.

"Always with a surprise" Stiles can't help but smile because he actually did it, and it was making him feel much lees useless that usual, maybe he is worth something even if he doesn't have all that wolf thing going on for him "It's still a big radios, the spell says we need to get closer to get it more accurate."

"You're not coming" Derek snarled sharply.

"You can't do magic, you told me yourself, so I'm a package deal Derek"

Derek looked like he considering just killing Stiles himself and end it right there, he never looked this angry "I'm not risking another member of my pack"

"It's a good a thing I'm not your pack" immediately knowing it was the wrong thing to say because Derek' eyes flash alpha red and it's scarier because of the darkness around.

"You weren't have been here if you wasn't pack" Derek manages to snarl out of clenched teeth that are a bit longer that human.

"Fine I'm pack, but unless you become human in the next few seconds, we don't have any other choice and I'm coming with"

Derek looked like he's trying do exactly what Stiles told him but realizing that no matter how hard he tries he won't become human, than his eyes is just a mix of emotions; displease and anger and even to his surprise a little bit concern.

"Come" he barked in Stiles' general direction.

They take Derek' Camaro driving in silence again, because when stiles tries to reach for the radio Derek almost bites his fingers off, really being manhandled by Derek was getting old. They arrived at the place where the ash circle began on the map, and Stiles ignores Derek's stare (really how does he expects him to concentrate when he stares at him this way) puts all his energy towards the map, and watches as the circle begins to shrink, Stiles turns to Derek with a proud smile on his face and just as he about to gloat about him being useful, and a certain sourwolf should appreciate him more, he is blinded by radiant lights heading towards them from every direction, everything suddenly slows down Derek jumps on him pressing him down onto the sit shielding him with his body and in that second something crunches into them from the left, and not a second later from the right, Derek' body doesn't manages to shield him for the second blow and everything goes black.


End file.
